Askellonin Synnit

Rugglugg's 'Kunning Plan A'

Kaptain Warboss Uber-Kommandant General Major Rugglugg contemplates matters

He was angry. He wasn’t sure why he was angry. Sure, there were some minor reasons, like poor squig beer, backstabbing nobs, somewhat slowly starting ground war (the boyz were going to need some swimming lessons), the loss of most of the second wave to incompetence and so on. But those were minor matters. Warboss Rugglugg was thinking about the big things. He was using ‘logik’.

It made his head hurt a bit, but as a Blood Axe, he knew some slight discomfort could result in some major victories later. Some of the boyz had been managing to get their “Spesh-Shoutas” working, and he had gotten some reports about rather… odd defeats. Not by the humie soldiers, oh no, but some other, unknown humies. And if he’d heard right, they also kept fighting against each other! Several groups of ’em even. Maybe he was angry because someone ELSE was having fun on the planet! And was ignoring the Orks, preferring to fight against OTHER HUMIES!

Now that, that was making him mad. Humies were supposed to fight against Orks, not other humies. That just wouldn’t do. He would have to send the Big Boyz to stomp all of those not-soldier humies out of the picture, so the humies could focus on fighting against the Orks. It just wasn’t sporting when your enemies are squabbling while they are at war. Or, well, the Orks did that sometimes as well, but not while there were other enemies to fight! It’s all well and good to stomp the other boyz when there’s nothing else to stomp, but humies had once again misunderstood something completely clear to the Orks, and were fighting for some stupid reasons amongst themselves. It wasn’t even about who was the boss, none of ‘em seemed to be going against the humie boss himself, but some other, arcane and mysterious reasons. The Xeno warlord could not understand what these odd humie groups were doing, or why, but he did know he didn’t like it.

Maybe if he burnt down the big humie base and sent da biggest boyz after all these stupid squabbling humies, he’d have a proper fight on his hands. Lil Daizy was also getting restless, she’d eaten three boyz yesterday instead of the usual one per day. He’d have to go take the poor thing for a little walk on the surface soon… Or, well, a flight. Or a swim. It was time to initiate ‘Kunning Plan A’.

“You gitz! Load the dakka on Daizy! Shout at dem gitz fixin-up Roks dat we need more! More Rokz! More dakka! More choppa! More boyz! More kunnin’! Kick meks until a Stompa is redy! Fetch me ’nother beer! Get me hat! Not dat hat, you git! DAT hat! Me coat of arms also! Good! Now, SPEECH!

Stop mucking aboot, time fer KUNNING PLAN! A! We’z gonna stomp ‘em so hard, dey’z gonna start fightin’ good and proppa! We’z gonna stomp all dem humies who squabble n’ don’t listen to deir humie boss, dat Sarawak! And den, den we’z gonna stomp ’em all! WAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!"

“Good speech boss!”

The Orks may not have a clear image on how human society works, but they do understand that a society divided is ‘mucking about’. And it is one that doesn’t give as good of a fight as it should give. Rugglugg had decided that it was time to teach the humies a lesson about a proper warlike society.

And give Daizy something to do before it ate more Orks. He didn’t have THAT many Snakebites to handle her!


MikkoK MikkoK

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